terça-feira, 13 de fevereiro de 2018

No more songs.

No more songs. That's it, simple and plain.


Songs move me, motivate me. But there's no reason for that anymore.




I'd always dealt with thoughts of self-destruction inside me, always vanished them - even if temporarely - anchoring my mind in something substantial.
In my childhood I used to think about the ones who almost gave their lives and abdicated so many things in order to keep me alive, and it was reason enough for me to keep going.
During my teens - which I thought were the worst years - my power of will was constantly defied because each crisis used to come stronger and swallowing me. But I made it, otherwise I wouldn't be here, right?
But the curious is that during my adult life these crisis always come back stronger and stronger, as an inner monster which always knew exactly where my weakest points are and how to reach them. For years I was able to handle those moments - and my anchors were now my kids. First my beloved Clara, then Angelo later on and now Sophia. I can be positive that they were the most precious and important things in my life for they taught me how to survive in a way I couldn't know that was possible and showed me how to be resilient and feel a love that could overcome each and every kind of obstacles I could possibly find in my existence. I hope they never have any doubts about this everlasting love, but I also know that maybe my current decisions will add a fog in front of their eyes and it may take a while for them to understand my reasons and finally forgive my selfish actions and at last see this love again. I completely understand that.

For whoever is reading this, please please please let them know it. It's my only wish.

For those who think that it's something I "got" from my mother: just think again. And now again. Human beings are absurdly complex and different from each other. It's quite surreal when a person tries to label individuals like this. It's superficial and selfish - and kind of lazy, for the person who thinks himself capable of it is totally not willing to think, and search, and discovery. So for you, my honest "shut up".

For those who think I'd possibly quit because of "loving someone" - please, reconsider. All that I'm feeling is a sum of every scar I gathered in and outside of me. Each one of these scars has a distinct pain and reminds me of the worst moments I'd passed since my earliest years. So again - please, do not consider yourself able to understand. People who passed for my existence tried to understand and failed - those who at least tried, of course.

For some rare people was I able to open up - and it hurt as hell when I finally did it. Some of them betrayed me and hurt me even more, using my own words and confessions to make me feel even more miserable. Whoever did it, knows it's all about him/her. Maybe - and I'm just assuming this for I insist on thinking these people may have something good inside of them - they were also hurt as well and couldn't help doing what they did for their own inner monsters were too strong. I'd rather think that's their motivation for doing what they'd done to me.

Now... toxic people. The most bitter pages of my book of life belong to these ones. People who I loved, and once loved me too - and I'm guessing once again - were the ones to whom I gave parts of my soul. But unfortunately for some reason they couldn't handle it, or only momentaneously wanted it around and quit later. Others had me near but decided to hate me with the same speed and will that tried to like me when we'd met. And consciously decided to make my life a living hell. Those I couldn't forgive, and I blame myself for it every day. I don't know if I'll be able to do it one day - if there's even any kind of "something" beyond waiting for me.

If I could summarize this feeling here inside - this very feeling which has accompained me my entire life - it could be something as "dying while alive". And for the first time in my life I'm giving myself the chance to make it all stop. All this pain, all this torment. I just can't stand this anymore.

For those who I loved in any sense - I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry. I don't know what else I could say to express what I'm feeling. It's just too much, and I simply can't go any further.

sexta-feira, 26 de janeiro de 2018

Day22/version 1 - "30 Days Music Challenge"

#Day22 (26/01/2018) ::


You shout it out
But I can't hear a word you say
I'm talking loud not saying much
I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet
You shoot me down, but I get up
I'm bulletproof nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium, I am titanium, I am titanium, I am titanium
Cut me down
But it's you who has further to fall
Ghost town, haunted love
Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones
I'm talking loud not saying much
I'm bulletproof nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium, I am titanium
Stone-hard, machine gun
Firing at the ones who run
Stone-hard, thus bulletproof glass
You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium
I am titanium

Day21/version 1 - "30 Days Music Challenge"


#Day21 (25/01/2018) ::


Sitting here just watching you sleep
Wish I could slip inside and be
In some technicolor dream
But the air's too thick for one of us to breathe
I'm not fool enough to think
You couldn't live life without me
I didn't come this far to throw the towel in
I didn't fight this hard to walk away
If I ain't smart enough to say I'm sorry
It's just because the words got in the way
I remember how it used to be
I was you and you were me
We were more than just the same
Now these shoes don't fit, my skin's too tight
When you want a kiss, I take a bite
Let your heart call up the cops, read me my rights
Last night I drank enough to drown
Raise a toast to your good looks and to my health
Look, we both know how much i've let you down
Janie don't you take your love to town
Janie don't you take your love to town
Janie don't you take your love to town
If i've got to beg, i'll beg, just don't walk away
Janie don't you take your love to town
You deserve a shooter, a saint
Someone to give it to you straight
To find the soul throught flesh and bone
My life's a treasure, full of sunny weather
But it's left me feeling cold
Now all you want to do is take me home
I hated you, the night you said you loved me
I hated you, 'cause I couldn't love myself
I'm begging you now, baby please just hold me
I got one foot in, one foot off the ground
Janie don't you take your love to town
Janie don't you take your love to town
If i've got to beg, i'll beg, just don't walk away
Janie don't you take your love to town
Sitting here while you're fast asleep
In the bathroom by the sink
Trying to write the right words down
I turn out the lights, close my eyes
There ain't no prayers or kiss goodnight
What i'll forget to say tomorrow, i'll say now
Janie don't you take your love to town
Janie don't you take your love to town
Janie don't you take your love to town
If i've got to beg, i'll beg, just don't walk away
Janie don't you take your love to town

Day20/version 1 - "30 Days Music Challenge"


#Day20 (24/01/2018) ::



Seus olhos e seus olhares
Milhares de tentações
Meninas são tão mulheres
Seus truques e confusões
Se espalham pelos pelos, boca e cabelo
Peitos e poses e apelos
Me agarram pelas pernas, certas mulheres
Como você, me levam sempre onde querem
Garotos não resistem aos seus mistérios
Garotos nunca dizem não
Garotos, como eu, sempre tão espertos
Perto de uma mulher, são só garotos
Seus dentes e seus sorrisos
Mastigam meu corpo e juízo
Devoram os meus sentidos
Eu já não me importo comigo
Então são mãos e braços, beijos e abraços
Pele, barriga e seus laços
São armadilhas, e eu não sei o que faço
Aqui de palhaço, seguindo seus passos
Garotos não resistem aos seus mistérios
Garotos nunca dizem não
Garotos, como eu, sempre tão espertos
Perto de uma mulher, são só garotos
Perto de uma mulher, são só garotos
Se espalham pelos pelos, boca e cabelo
Peitos e poses e apelos
Me agarram pelas pernas, certas mulheres
Como você, me levam sempre onde querem
Garotos não resistem aos seus mistérios
Garotos nunca dizem não
Garotos, como eu, sempre tão espertos
Perto de uma mulher, são só
Garotos não resistem aos seus mistérios
Garotos nunca dizem não
Garotos, como eu, sempre tão espertos
Perto de uma mulher, são só garotos
Perto de uma mulher, são só garotos
Perto de uma mulher, são só garotos

Day19/version 1 - "30 Days Music Challenge"



#Day19 (23/01/2018) ::

Esta tem não um, mas vários sentidos na minha trajetória... Quem fez parte dessa época, sabe do que se trata. 
Wake up to the sunlight
With your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress
Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want
But want what you have
And don't spend your life lookin' back
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
You won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
So go to the ballgames
And go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't run from the truth
Cause you can't get away
Just face it and you'll be okay
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
You won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
Oh wherever you are and wherever you've been
Now is the time to begin
So give to the needy
And pray for the grieving
E'en when you don't think that you can
Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
Make peace with God and make peace with yourself
Cause in the end there's nobody else
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
You won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

Day18/version 1 - "30 Days Music Challenge"

#Day18 (22/01/2018) ::



I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I had to put her, six feet under, and I can still hear her complain
I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I knew I'd miss her, so I had to keep her
She's buried right in my back yard
I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I used to love her, but I had to kill her
She bitched so much. She drove me nuts, and now I'm happier this way
I used to love her, but I had to kill her, and I can still hear her complain

domingo, 21 de janeiro de 2018

Day17/version 1 - "30 Days Music Challenge"

#Day17 (21/01/2018) ::







I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel tonight
Deep into a dying day
I took a step outside an innocent heart
Prepare to hate me fall when I may
This night will hurt you like never before
Old loves they die hard
Old lies they die harder
I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel
Your Virgin Mary undone
I`m in love with my lust
Burning angel wings to dust
I wish I had your angel tonight
I`m going down so frail `n cruel
Drunken disguise changes all the rules
Old loves they die hard
Old lies they die harder
I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel
Your Virgin Mary undone
I`m in love with my lust
Burning angel wings to dust
I wish I had your angel tonight
Greatest thrill
Not to kill
But to have the prize of the night
Hypocrite
Wannabe friend
13th disciple who betrayed me for nothing!
Last dance, first kiss
Your touch my bliss
Beauty always comes with dark thoughts
I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel
Your Virgin Mary undone
I`m in love with my lust
Burning angel wings to dust
I wish I had your angel tonight

sábado, 20 de janeiro de 2018

Day16/version 1 - "30 Days Music Challenge"

#Day16 (20/01/2018) ::





And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I've traveled each and every highway
But more, much more than this
I did it my way
Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way
Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way
I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill my share of losing
And now, as tears subside
I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say - not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way
For what is a man, what has he got
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way
Yes, it was my way

Day15/version 1 - "30 Days Music Challenge"

#Day15 (19/01/2018) ::



As chances de um mashup darem errado são sempre enormes... mas algumas acertam em cheio no alvo:




These ideas are nightmares to white parents
Whose worst fear is a child with dyed hair
And who likes earrings
Like whatever they say has no bearing,
it's so scary
In a house that allows no swearing
To see him walking around with his headphones blaring
Alone in his own zone, cold and he don't care
He's a problem child
And what bothers him all comes out, when he talks about
His fuckin' dad walkin' out
'Cause he just hates him so bad that he blocks him out
If he ever saw him again he'd probably knock him out
His thoughts are whacked,
he's mad so he's talkin' back
Talkin' black, brainwashed from rock and rap
He sags his pants, do-rags and a stocking cap
His step-father hit him, so he socked him back,
and broke his nose
His house is a broken home,
there's no control,
he just let's his emotions go...
[Chorus]
{C'mon}, sing with me, {sing}, sing for the years
{Sing it}, sing for the laughter, sing for the tears, {c'mon)
Sing it with me, just for today,
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away...
[Verse 2]
Entertainment is changin', intertwinin' with gangsta's
In the land of the killers, a sinner's mind is a sanctum
Holy or unholy, only have one homie
Only this gun, lonely cause don't anyone know me
Yet everybody just feels like they can relate,
I guess words are a mothafucka
They can be great or they can degrade,
Or even worse they can teach hate
It's like these kids hang on every single statement we make
Like they worship us,
Plus all the stores ship us platinum
Now how the fuck did this metamorphosis happen
From standin' on corners and porches just rappin'
To havin' a fortune, no more kissin' ass
But then these critics crucify you,
journalists try to burn you
Fans turn on you,
attorneys all want a turn at you
To get they hands on every dime you have,
They want you to lose your mind every time you mad
So they can try to make you out to look like a loose cannon
Any dispute won't hesitate to produce handguns
That's why these prosecutors wanna convict me,
Strictly just to get me off of these streets quickly
But all their kids be listenin' to me religiously,
So I'm signin' cd's while police fingerprint me
They're for the judge's daughter but his grudge is against me
If I'm such a fuckin' menace, this shit doesn't make sense Pete
It's all political,
If my music is literal, and I'm a criminal
How the fuck can I raise a little girl
I couldn't, I wouldn't be fit to
You're full of shit too, Guerrera,
that was a fist that hit you...
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
They say music can alter moods and talk to you
Well can it load a gun up for you, and cock it too?
Well if it can, then the next time you assault a dude
Just tell the judge it was my fault and I'll get sued
See what these kids do is hear about us totin' pistols
And they want to get one cause they think the shit's cool
Not knowin' we really just protectin' ourselves,
We entertainers!
Of course the shit's affectin' our sales, you ignoramus!
But music is reflection of self, we just explain it,
And then we get our checks in the mail
It's fucked up, ain't it?
How we can come from practically nothing
to being able to have any fuckin' thing that we wanted
That's why we sing for these kids, who don't have a thing
Except for a dream, and a fuckin' rap magazine
Who post pin-up pictures on their walls all day long
Idolize they favorite rappers and know all they songs
Or for anyone who's ever been through shit in their lives
Till they sit and they cry at night wishin' they'd die
Till they throw on a rap record and they sit, and they vibe
We're nothin' to you but we're the fuckin' shit in they eyes
That's why we seize the moment
Try to freeze it and own it,
squeeze it and hold it
Cause we consider these minutes golden
And maybe they'll admit it when we're gone
Just let our spirits live on
through our lyrics that you hear in our songs and we can...

quinta-feira, 18 de janeiro de 2018

Day14/version 1 - "30 Days Music Challenge"

#Day14 (18/01/2018) ::



I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own
I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listened as the crowd would sing
Now the old king is dead long live the king
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand
I hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing
Roman cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
Once you'd gone there was never
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world
It was a wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?
I hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing
Roman cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know St Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
Oh oh oh oh ohh oh [x5]
Hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing
Roman cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know St Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

quarta-feira, 17 de janeiro de 2018

Day13/version 1 - "30 Days Music Challenge"

#Day13 (17/01/2018) ::





Como isso me lembra a minha mãe 

You can dance
You can jive
Having the time of your life
See that girl
Watch that scene
Dig in the dancing queen
Friday night and the lights are low
Looking out for a place to go
Where they play the right music
Getting in the swing
You come to look for a king
Anybody could be that guy
Night is young and the music's high
With a bit of rock music
Everything is fine
You're in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance
You are the dancing queen
Young and sweet
Only seventeen
Dancing queen
Feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance
You can jive
Having the time of your life
See that girl
Watch that scene
Dig in the dancing queen
You're a teaser, you turn 'em on
Leave 'em burning and then you're gone
Looking out for another
Anyone will do
You're in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance
You are the dancing queen
Young and sweet
Only seventeen
Dancing queen
Feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance
You can jive
Having the time of your life
See that girl
Watch that scene
Dig in the dancing queen
Dig in the dancing queen

terça-feira, 16 de janeiro de 2018

Day12/version 1 - "30 Days Music Challenge"

#Day12 (16/01/2018) ::


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brA8H4Y48DA






Me lembra (e muito) a melhor - ou menos pior - fase da minha vida...



Baby let's cruise away from here
Don't be confused, the way is clear
And if you want it, you got it forever
This is not a one night stand baby, yeah
So, let the music take your mind
Just release and you will find
You're gonna fly away, glad you're goin' my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together
Music is played for love, cruisin' is made for love
I love it when we're cruisin' together
Baby tonight, belongs to us
Everything right, do what you must
And inch by inch we grow closer and closer
To every lil' part of each other, ooh baby yeah
So let the music take your mind
Just release and you will find
You're gonna fly away, glad you're goin' my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together
Music is played for love, cruisin' is made for love
I love it when we're cruisin' together
Cruise with me baby
Ooh
Yeah
Ooh
Ooh baby, let's cruise,
Let's float, let's glide
Ooh, let's open up and go inside
And if you want it, you got it forever
I could just stay here beside you and love you baby
Let the music take your mind
Just release and you will find
You're gonna fly away, glad you're goin' my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together
And music is played for love, cruisin' is made for love
I love it when we're cruisin' together
You're gonna fly away, glad you're goin' my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together
And music is played for love, cruisin' is made for love
I love it when, I love it, I love it, I love it, oh
Cruise with me baby, I love it when we're cruisin' together




Day11/version 1 - "30 Days Music Challenge"

#Day11 (15/01/2018) ::


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4B_UYYPb-Gk








Pq essa versão com o RUN-DMC é simplesmente mara!!!!!


Now there's a backseat, lover
That's always undercover
And I talk 'til my daddy say
Said you ain't seen, nothin'
Til you're down on the muffin
And there's sure to be a change in ways
Now there's a cheer, leader
That's a real big, pleaser
As far as I can reminisce
But the best thing, love it
Was her sister and her, cousin
And it started with a little kiss, like this
She starts, swingin'
With the boys in, tune
And her feet just fly up in the air
Singin' hey diddle diddle with a kitty in the middle
And they swingin' like it just don't care
So I took a big, chance
At the high school, dance
With a lady who was ready to play
It wasn't me she was, foolin
'Cause she knew what was she was, doin'
When she told me how to walk this way
She told me to
Walk this way!
Talk this way!
Walk this way!
Talk this way!
She told me to
Walk this way!
Talk this way!
Walk this way!
Talk this way!
Well just gimme a kiss!
Ooh, a-like this!
School girl, sleazy
With a, classy kind of sassy
Little skirt hangin' way up her knee
There were three young ladies
In the school gym, locker
And they find they were lookin' D
I was high school, loser
Never made it with a, lady
Til a boy told me somethin' I missed
That my next door, neighbor
Had a daughter, had a favor
And I gave the girl a little kiss, like this
She starts swingin' with the boys in the school
With her feet flyin' up in the air
Singing hey diddle diddle with a kitty in the middle
I was swingin' like I didn't care
So I took a big chance at the high school dance
With a miss who was ready to play
Wasn't me she was foolin' 'cause she knew what she was doin'
When she told me how to walk this way
She told me to
Walk this way!
Talk this way!
Walk this way!
Talk this way!
She told me to
Walk this way!
Talk this way!
Walk this way!
Talk this way!
Well just gimme some head!
Like this

domingo, 14 de janeiro de 2018

Day10/version 1 - "30 Days Music Challenge"

#Day10 (14/01/2018) ::



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rOiW_xY-kc
When your day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough
Of this life
Well hang on
Don't let yourself go
'Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone (hold on)
(Hold on) if you feel like letting go (hold on)
If you think you've had too much
Of this life
Well, hang on

'Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts
Don't throw your hand
Oh, no
Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone
No, no, no, you're not alone

If you're on your own
In this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much
Of this life
To hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes
So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on

Everybody hurts

You are not alone

Day9/version 1 - "30 Days Music Challenge"

#Day9 (13/01/2018) ::




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1yOGhnmYfI

It's seventy two degrees
Zero chance of rain
It's been a perfect day
We're all spinning on our heels
So far away from real
In California

We watched the sunset from my car
We all took it in
And by the time that it was dark
You and me had something, yeah!

And if this is what we've got
Then what we've got is gold
We're shining bright and I want you
I want you to know

The morning's on it's way
Our friends all say goodbye
There's nowhere else to go
I hope that you'll stay the night

Ooh, you'll stay the night
Ooh, yeah!

We've been singing Billie Jean
Mixin' vodka with caffeine
We've got strangers stopping by

And though you're out of tune
Girl you blow my mind, you do
And I'll say as I don't wanna say goodnight

If there's no quiet corner
To get to know each other
And there's no hurry
I'm a patient man as you'll discover

Cause if this is what we've got
Then what we've got is gold
We're shining bright and I want you
I want you to know

The morning's on it's way
Our friends all say goodbye
There's nowhere else to go
I hope that you'll stay the night
Ooh, you'll stay the night
Ooh, yeah!

Just like the song on my radio set
We'll share the shelter of my single bed
But it's a different tune that's stuck in my head
And it goes

If this is what we've got
Then what we've got is gold
We're shining bright and I want you
I want you to know

The morning's on it's way
Our friends all say goodbye
There's nowhere else to go
I hope that you'll stay the night

If this is what we've got
Then what we've got is gold
We're shining bright and I want you
I want you to know

The morning's on it's way
Our friends all say goodbye
There's nowhere else to go

I hope that you'll stay the night